I had a homeschooling friend tell me a while back that after thoroughly researching unschooling, she decided that she could not do so because “ A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. " Actually the whole verse states: Pro 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. That is fine and good. Just because God leads one family a certain direction doesn’t mean he will necessarily lead every family the same way. Only God knows the particular training and circumstances each child will need to fulfill his will for their lives. I judge no one.
Perhaps she was nicely trying to show me the “error of my ways”, I don’t know. At any rate, I have since prayed and given much thought to this verse. I am quite convinced my children are not left to themselves. (Just ask them!)
Firstly, this verse, when taken in context is clearly talking about moral training and duty and perhaps even gross neglect- not necessarily the choice of academic style.
Now admittedly, I sometimes wish that I could leave them to themselves for even 30 minutes (for a break), but the truth is they do still need constant supervision (even my 14 year -old). If you are a parent with more than one child, you know that seldom is there a 10 minute time frame when there is not some infraction committed that needs judged, corrected , discussed, and brought to light of God’s truth. This of course, is very time-consuming and tiring, but absolutely necessary to the Godly training of children. We strive to not allow any bad habits of character, especially those hurtful to others, to be formed or to remain, thus searing young consciences and leading them even further down a path of destruction. It takes much diligence, truth be told. We never throw up our hands and say, “ Whatever! Let them fight it out!” Some may disagree with this, but we have seen that children when left to themselves to work out their disagreements will resort to the flesh, and the world’s way of solving problems. That is, the one that is strongest calling the shots. And they are usually not mature enough to put themselves last and do the righteous thing (unless having been thoroughly, and painstakingly trained for many years to do so.) Most often the strongest uses his strength or cunning to get his /her own way. Manipulation. Many cruel words are spoken and fuel keeps getting thrown on the fire until perhaps if not arrested, tempers can flare so hot the disagreement becomes physical. This certainly is not healthy for either or the relationship. Now, the temptations to deal with are triple. Unforgiveness, revenge, unrepentance, future judgementalness, not to mention developing ungodly behavior patterns where one child is continuously victimized emotionally and left helpless in their anger to the forming tyrannical bully, leaving neither to be able to restore their relationship to God or each other. It is a huge trap of Satan that I see them fall into over and over. We try hard to address and correct every cruel or unkind word spoken, every manipulation, and every unforgiving, unrepentant and angry attitude.
However, this is not what I was going to write about. Back to unschooling and children left to themselves. Now I cannot vouch for other unschoolers, but we do not allow our children to call the shots, make their own schedule, or all their own choices. They do not have unlimited free time to do whatever they will. We know that even a small amount of time allowing it makes them extremely willful and unsubmissive, complainy, and uncooperative. This environment allows for self to have full reign making them extremely self-centered and self-motivated. This would be very counterproductive to the Godly training we strive for.
No, our children have a basic daily schedule, that while not set ridgedly in stone, allow for a fairly consistent time frame for their day. They know what to expect, and what is expected of them and this gives them a certain amount of security and flow to our lives. We wake at around the same time daily. They have an hour to be fed, rooms/beds straightened, and dressed. (This includes teeth hair, different clothes-particularly undergarments, deodorant , etc. You may laugh, but this actually is asked every day, and takes quite a bit of training for 6 children of various ages.) They then must gather in the living room for family devotion and prayer time. This of course, is more training in simply being attentive and still ( especially for the younger ones) and we hope for participation. Next, we have a 30 minute cleaning spree we call “morning chores” usually assigned for a 3 week period. By then, if all goes well and there are no major crisis (injuries, fights to work through, spills or general devastation) They have an hour or two before lunch to pursue their own interests and learn about whatever they will. They know that this is more academic learning time and not movie time unless it is educational. All time, every day is learning in some way or another; the character training being more of a priority. But we have found that other “academic “ learning falls naturally within the flow of our daily schedule in certain places. Or you might say that they are free to learn in that way when it doesn’t interfere with set times of meals and chores. All this of course, is flexible to a degree. I mean I am not going to cut off the flowing juices if they are in the middle of a project that they are very excited about , or doing MATH( which is rare enough) just because it is bedtime. After lunch, the next time marker is 4:30 when any remaining chores must be finished before dad returns and we have family suppertime at anywhere from 6:00-7:00 depending on when dad gets home. After meal clean-up, that we do as a family, they usually have some time to play read, or finish whatever interest or project they were doing. A lot of times we read as a family, ( last night, Dad took them for a walk in the snowy night-cause mom was not feeling well.) Then we usually join for devotion/prayer led by Dad. This is also a time for everyone to reconnect and share with dad all of their day. So we have found that this relaxed structure with certain daily landmarks works well for us.
Now granted, there are times, that if I used my eyes only, it would appear that they weren’t doing much learning- and I will start to give nudges, ideas and suggestions or sit down with a child to play a learning activity- try to get the juices flowing. But I try not to worry and trust God ; these times usually don’t last very long. I’m starting to see that people naturally learn large amounts in spurts (I do as well) and then the brain needs time to digest and rest from academic learning. As long as we can still see and gauge tangible improvement /advancement, and most importantly a desire and love of learning, we are satisfied. We trust that God will equip, lead and guide them for His purpose in their lives.
Another negative remark I have heard about, is the statement that God is a God of order and structure and therefore unschooling can’t possibly be His will. But whose order? God’s order is not necessarily our idea of order, and certainly not society’s idea of when and what every child should learn. Every child is as unique as God’s plan for their individual lives, and only the Holy spirit knows what and when they are ready for something. We allow God the freedom to do this, and truly, I don’t see how He could otherwise. We have since seen an excitement and joy for learning, even the basic academic subjects, return slowly to the children. They are all reading many more books on various subjects (unprompted) and best of all their talents and gifting and callings are becoming apparent. We still feel confident that this is God’s will for our family.
